We all go through difficult times as a kid and young adult. It is life. Some had it easier than others. The more challenging lives seem to hang on to the past and can't seem to let it go. Blaming others for their short comings. I am not saying it isn't someone else fault but, their has to be a time for all of us to take responsibility for our own actions.
At times troubled lives blame their parents/guardian for the life they are living. Yes, the parent might not have done what we consider “good parent” actions. But, the child can not go their whole life blaming their parents for the mess THEY got themselves into. We all need to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. That’s the only ones we can control.
Our parents or guardian were doing the best they could with the knowledge they had. Is this an excuse for bad behavior or limiting beliefs they instilled in us? Not at all, it is just the fact. Consider the era they grew up in and how their parents treated them. What were their own beliefs about the world?
That will explain a lot of how they treat you.
Ponder these thoughts. Start to understand where they are and were coming from. Maybe it will make it easier to forgive if need be.
Even in the most extreme horrible conditions, for YOU to move forward in your own life and truly be free of the anger, frustration, and hurt you must first understand where they are coming from. I think this is helpful to start the healing process. It sounds so simple. It is simple but, it is NOT easy. This may be the start of your forgiveness for this person. On top of all that was going on at the time, they were dealing with their own shit too. It can be overwhelming at times to juggle it all. You know that yourself. Stop blaming them and look at your life and see where you can bring the positive into your own life.
Please do not get me wrong, I am not saying all they did was “OK” but, we are grown now. We make our own choices and we can make them for ourselves. They do not control our actions anymore. (Or they shouldn’t) We carry a lot of “not so good shit” around that our parents/guardians instilled in us. It is time to let it go. Free yourself of the lies you have been telling yourself about your parents. Make up a different story. You have the power to change YOUR life. You don’t have to live with the darkness that has happened to you. Break free and if you can’t seem to create a new story and you keep reliving the old one then considers a counselor to help you work through it. It doesn’t mean you are broken it just means you need a little guidance to figure this out. More tools in your tool belt to help get you through tough days. That is all that it means. You need a little help from a friend.
If you are having a hard time and need help but, don’t know where to turn. Then take this number and put it in your phone so you will have it. There is always a better way I can promise you that. Keep the faith.
Suicide Prevention Life line 24/7 Call 1-800-273-8255